With State, National and WORLD events coming up for our 35+ demographic, our AMC (Anonymous Monthly Contributor) has again produced the goods.
2024 Masters State Titles: Men’s 50-54
Squash is a tough game on your body at the best of times, let alone when you’re hair is greying and your muscles aren’t as hard as they used to be.
Squashies are a sadistic bunch. Especially Masters Squashies. They’re sick when it comes to tournaments. They love waking up after a couple of long five setters on day one, muscles screaming with that beautiful soreness only a hard match can bring on, only to have another lash at it on day 2. Last years men’s 50-54 division was a great example of squash sadism at its best.
With a full book of 14 top liners entered, it promised to be one for the ages. A lot of hard training had gone into winning it this year by some, and none at all by others.
The main players to look out for were number 1 seed old man Greg ‘Greggy’ Lawrence, second seed old man Glenn ‘Hitchy’ Hitch, 3rd seed old man ‘Captain’ Courtney Diggins and number 4 seed old man Sam ‘Sauce’ Wendt. Let’s face it, it’s Masters, they are all old men.
It was a full draw, so these guys all endured some tough but fun early rounds, but true to their seedings they made it through to their anticipated semi-final clashes to be held on the Sunday morning.
Greggy was at the Saturday night function already talking about how he was going to play Glenn in the finals, and how much he looked forward to winning a title after so long between drinks. Hitchy was generously supplying said drinks as a sponsor, taking in a few for himself, while Captain and Sauce were wondering how they were actually going to get up in the morning and play another match.
(2) Glenn vs (4) Sam
On the morning of the final day, Sauce arrived walking half a step slower than he did the day before, and the evergreen Hitchy looked like he could go out and take on Jacob’s Ladder! That didn’t auger well for Sam. They kicked off their first semi early, and before a sweat patch had even appeared on Sauce’s shirt, they had reached 12-12. Sauce just needed 3 nicks to go one love up, as his legs were already saying goodnight. But one minute later, game one was over. No silky nicks and he hit the deck 12-15. Hitchy was running around like a whipper-snapper playing in the wrong division. Sauce tried to rally and match the enthusiasm of his much younger opponent, trying feed in some trade mark silky drops, but the only material on the court that morning was burnt rubber. 20 minutes later, the match was all over, and Hitchy was now feeling pretty good about the upcoming final having not spent a penny getting there.
(1) Greg vs (3) Courtney
The next semi had everyone excited – two ex-champions of the game taking each other on in an epic grudge match. Greggy, with his smooth and technical grace, vs the Captain with his unorthodox, raw talent combined with annoying niggly commentary. And to top off the anticipated battle, it was to be umpired by a trainee referee. Greggy started to tremble. He never has had a wonderful connection with the adjudicators of our great game.
So they began, and Greggy couldn’t wait to get in and out asap. He was already itching to play Hitchy in the final, so he put the pressure on and got off to a flyer. The first was solid, with Greggy doing what he had to do, moving the Captain to each corner and generally running him ragged. 15-12 Greg. The second one was interesting though. Captain Courts wasn’t moving particularly well, but he managed to stay in the game without getting put away. Then at around 10-10, he started talking. Mumbling this and that to anyone that would listen. Asking irrelevant questions and talking smack. Greg listened, and in turn briefly lost concentration. Unbelievably he let that game slip and the Captain stole it to go 1-1.
In the 3rd, Greg was having none of it, so the game went back to domination by the No.1 seed. Pushing the Captain to every corner and taking out his old legs, it was a cakewalk 15-9.
Now Greggy could taste it and started to think about how the trophy would look in his cabinet. He hadn’t had any new silverware in it for quite a while. As the 4th began, inexplicably the Captain started to find perfect depth and threw in some more annoying anecdotes to frustrate Greggy to make him lose control. it worked, and half a dozen loose ones and a few out balls later, Captain nicked the 4th 15-11 to go 2 all.
This opened it up for a mammoth 5th set, and we know how much masters love these on the final day of a tourney! Both ex-champs were giving it their all – diving when they couldn’t run, sliding when they couldn’t step. Greggy was desperate to drink out of the golden cup, and he pushed hard to get to a match-winning lead. And just then the wheels came rolling off. Greg and referees have never really seen eye to eye. They have a love hate relationship – Greg hates being reffed, and the refs hate reffing Greg. So at 14-9 up, with 5 match balls and the dream in sight, Courtney hit a drop into the front forehand corner and stood as still as if shot. Greggy ran into him and screamed for a let, pleading to the ref for a stroke to take him to the promised land. The trainee ref didn’t quite see it that way. He did see some impediment, but not quite worthy of a stroke, so he awarded a ‘Let’ to calm the farm and give Greg another chance to serve it out. But Greg just could not let this one go. He imploded and exploded simultaneously as he begged the ref to change his mind. But the trainee ref stood firm and asked the gentlemen to please carry on. Would you believe it. Courtney had gotten a much-needed breather, and Greggy hit the next 5 balls into the tin! Finally, at 14-14 in the 5th, and after another epic rally, the Captain whispered a few more sweet nothings in Greggy’s ear. He had a chat with the crowd, shouting a couple of ‘COME ON’s to the gallery, and asked the ref a few questions to buy some crucial lung capacity. Greggy was fuming, but Courts had done just enough to switch him off. The match went up a few notches and no quarter was given, but it was too late for Greg and the straw had broken the camel’s back. The dream of holding aloft the masters trophy shattered for at least one more season. Somehow the Captain and number 3 seed had escaped jail to knock off the No.1 seed and very short-priced favourite.
Courtney in 5.
So as it is with Masters tournaments, after a short break the boys had to be out on court again, backing it up for the hugely anticipated Sunday arvo final.
(1) Greg vs (4) Sam
Even though Greggy was still bleeding from his open wound, he managed to bandage himself up to have a crack at the 3rd and 4th playoff against a sore and sorry Sauce. At 13-13 in the first, Sauce had his chance to caress a drop winner to snatch the one game he wanted, but someone had slapped an extra coat of paint on the tin and his certain winner kissed the top of the red line. One more go at it proved fruitless and Greggy took it 15-13. That was about the extent of it and 20 short minutes later Greggy had spilt Sauce all over the court and had managed to secure a 3rd place prize for his cabinet.
(2) Hitchy vs (3) Courtney
Then the big guns went head to head in the final. Hitchy, who’d had the world’s cushiest run to the final, was overwhelming favourite to chop up the old Captain who’d just played the longest 5 setter of his masters career.
The first game set the tone for what was to become one of the classic masters squash encounters. Hitchy, with his stunning straight soft balls glued to the wall, against the awkward working boasts and powerful depth of the Captain. Epic rally after epic rally saw the warriors finally reach14-14 and it really was anyone’s game. Then Courtney started to have a little chat on the court, chirping about how much Hitchy didn’t want it. Everyone saw it coming, including the Hitch. But even knowing the chit chat was on it’s way, he found it difficult to concentrate. Captain Courtney bullied his way through and snatched the next 2 points to take the first 16-14.
He walked off looking like he’d been locked in a sauna overnight and desperately needed an ice bath. Only after the ref had called ‘Time’ twice did he come back out.
But still he came out swinging in the second and really had Hitchy thinking. How was this possible from a bloke whose gut popped out the top of his shorts when he wiped his face with his shirt? After a solid 15-8 win by the Captain, the impossible was looking probable. But Hitchy doesn’t lie down easily, and the Captain was in dire need of a rest game. When executed professionally, rest games are a vital tactic in masters squash.
The 3rd was a 15-7 hiding to Hitchy and he was back on track. Now that he’d had a sniff of victory, he was going to prove very hard to beat. They came out for the 4th and wow, the pace and intensity had lifted significantly, and the crowd behind the glass court was murmuring, oohing and ahhing at the hard running and pressure shot selection. Beautiful ball striking and racquet control ensued, both players holding the ball and wrong-footing their opponents. After a huge battle the game was tied up at 13-13 and Hitchy finished a massive rally with a stunning forehand winner, taking him to 14-13. But here’s the crazy thing. Hitchy was concentrating so hard on the rally he’d forgotten the score, and went to walk off the court – thinking it was game – only for the ref to call him back. He’d already opened the door and had one foot on the carpet! The ref called the score at 14-13 game ball, so he still had to serve the game out and win one more rally. But Hitchy had switched off. In his mind he’d won that game and was thinking about the next, followed by his victory speech at the ceremony. Quite unbelievably, Captain Courtney rallied to get the next point back and and eventually went on to take the game 17-15 and the final 3-1.
Courtney in 5.
Masters Squash doesn’t get much better than this. These matches had everything, and the crowd definitely got value for money for their finals tickets. And as it is with our game, the winners were grinners, and the losers gracious in defeat.
Squash is a great game, and Masters squash is even better.
Get on board.
State Titles THIS WEEKEND. Draws out soon: https://www.revolutionise.com.au/squashwa/games
Australian Titles at Mirrabooka in September: https://amsc.australianmasterssquash.com.au/2025-home/
World Titles: https://www.worldsquash.sport/world-masters-9/
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